I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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