just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
