i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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