So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
