i just google imaged poop.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
