oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
