you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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