I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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