If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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