I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
