It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
