We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
