and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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