TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
