im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
