How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
