Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
