And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
