How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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