all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize