i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
