Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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