I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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