Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize