when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
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