if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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