there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
