if i can run in heels then i can drive
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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