is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
