Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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