finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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