maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
