now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
