Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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