there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
