I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We left the knife in your bed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
