Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize