omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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