Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
