Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
