On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
