I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
