haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize