Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
