Don't make out with my wife yet
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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