'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
