drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
