My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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