Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
