I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
where are my eyebrows?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
