Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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