I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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