I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
