I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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