Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
