Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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