college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
