I can text with my tongue
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
