You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
