theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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