ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
