Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
