Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
