I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
