You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize