he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
