Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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