As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
