Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
