i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
