I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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