So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
