yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
