Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
