in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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