I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
