I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
