All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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