I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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