You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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