You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
