at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am mentally ready for anal.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
