You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
