We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
