We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
