next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
