are you still at the devil's house?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
ok first of all what the fuck
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
