Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
