I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
