May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
