how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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