I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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