I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
