Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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